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Have been writing mine diary for long... but after long again started to post but now online...

i THOUGHT i UNDERSTOOD myself, BUT never did…

dherai lekiyo aafno bhawana haru yesh zindagi ko yatra bare… aaba bhane lekhna maan lagna chodeko cha…!!!

I do not consider myself as a writer, but within the past few years, I find myself dreaming of and thinking about writing freely whatever comes in mind.  Occasionally, I would grab my diary or mobile set and  start the process of writing down my thoughts- not to forget, sharing my expression and interactions with the world I am in. I have almost written many articles out of which only few article are published; my life experiences.

I never thought when i started to write that i would be at this point where never imagined i could write so much. 
Having done much of that in the past, I just stopped. I stopped writing freely. Though I did write at that time, my writings ranged from different sources, few were my own experiences & most of all were out of inspirations happening around mine life.. Lots of comments and opinion flows by, but comments hardly effects my thoughts on exposing myself and keep on writing in the way with so much emotions. But i always had an inspiration, out of which my friends always helped me in improving my language and vocabulary. I still think that I haven’t done much of the writing that I am in need of. What is this that I often speak of? It’s that kind of writing that allows me to express my connections with this world - - my opinion on certain issues, the emotions I feel/felt on a specific instance, a thought that crosses my mind.  Quite often makes the words to express what exactly goes in my mind which i can’t say.

I am scared that one day emotions might fade away from mine life.

After coming from a rough phase of life, where i wasn’t allowed to do or say of my own, allows me here to write freely, personally & creatively, all my thoughts in my way where i have no restriction and no boundaries. Yes, I was a trouble kid in my childhood and as far as i remember, i only remember a few. I hate to be emotionally attached with people, something always scares me, because of which i keep people away from me.

Loneliness helps me to keep myself calm and bring peace within.

Writing helped me go through mine worst nightmares of mine life. Loneliness isn't always the worst part, but it is when you are around people and none understands you. 
I have habit of forgetting things pretty quickly, can say memory loss. When i see those dairies, mine old days, how much grudges i could hold on people, whoever pissed me off. I must say I still hold grudge but not like before.
Now i live mine life own way so i have nothing to worry about with full on freedom which doesn't mean whatever I write wouldn't affect other people's feelings. For this reason i sometime use fictional emotions as well which brings life to mine story.
I know i am bad while interacting with people, despite full effort and good intentions, mine gesture, words and mine behavior doesn't support me. Whatever i have written till now surprises me that i had so much to tell people around me.

People write for different reasons, some for their dear ones, some for own way to express, some for passion, some to share their feelings, some for other, but I write not only for those whom I love and for the audience that I may or may not have, I write to express, to address, to de-stress, to digest, and the list goes on. Not to forget that i always have an inspiration to flush mine frustration.
I resolve to writing ultimately for myself, to keep my sanity intact and sometimes just to let loose and to let my imagination roam and for it to be lost and then found. But these days have been losing the interest in even writing also. I don’t think i’ll be writing for long….., so with thanking everyone who has been reading my blog, i wanna call it quit.  Time for some rest and starting to workout now in a different way. I can’t keep up writing about meaningless (yet emotionally important to me) things. I’ll be sure to post a few when i might be off out of being too emotional. Until then, hang in there!!!